The Bottoms Book

Ever since I've lived independently I have had a book called "Bottoms" in my bathroom. It is a slick little coffee table book with pictures of, you guessed it--bottoms. Art photos, selections from paintings, drawings from antiquity...No text, just bottom after bottom after bottom.

Having a book called "Bottoms" in the bathroom amuses me. It always has, and I have moved it from house to house with me, always giving it a space of importance in the bathroom. When the kids got old enough to grab at things and ruin them, I had to tuck it away in a little basket with the bathroom magazines. And I FORGOT about it. I totally forgot that I had a book full of pictures of bottoms sitting in my bathroom and waiting to be discovered.

Last night, for the third night of what is appearing to become a routine, T and I were in the bathroom. He was sitting on the potty and I was pattering around doing personal grooming chores that need to get done--and really, why waste time when I have to be in there to supervise him? So I multi task.

He sits on the potty and I patter around. He is big enough that he can reach in and select his own magazine, and I let him. He reaches down, proclaims "This one." and pulls one out. Then he proceeds to page through telling me what pictures he sees. I pluck and paint and file and he says "A flower", "A sofa", "A paint bucket", "A wallpaper", "A window", "A door", "A hammer", "A drywall", etc. etc.
I have a lot of magazines about home improvement.

Last night, we continued with this new routine and I super-conditioned and whitened and he told me what he saw in the magazines. At one point, having tuned out to complete a very important task, I tuned back in. I heard him saying "A bottom", "A bottom", "A bottom". I looked over. He heaved a huge bored sigh as he flipped the page and saw yet another bottom. He looked up at me and shook his head, like, "This is the dumbest book in the whole world." He carefully put the book back in the magazine rack, pulled out a magazine, said "This one." and gleefully exclaimed as he turned the pages of "This Old House".
"A window", "A door", "A ladder".